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Feb. 6th, 2006 09:53 am

Well DUH?

servermonkey: (Lush)
Stopped by Best Buy over the weekend--and I, sadly, cannot remember what I bought. Anyway, just before reaching the cashier, there was a 2006 The DUH! Awards boxed calendar. My problem with it was the price. It was still marked as 11.99--which I thought was a bit excessive since we're two months into 2006. Not that I'm unhappy with my 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said one, I just liked the DUH! series.

Haggling just didn't suit my mood either, so I will just go without until next year. Well that is, of course, if there is one released next year.

It is a difficult life, I know.
servermonkey: (WWMD?)
It's been a while, AGAIN, so here goes.

People with Unique Vision

The Christian Apostolic Church was a repressive sect led by the preacher and General Overseer Wilbur Voliva in the 1880s. Among his strange personal habits that became the group's commandments: no bacon, no oysters, no humming, no whistling. Also, everyone had to be indoors by 10 p.m., and all of his followers had to agree that the earth was flat.
servermonkey: (THB Grin)
At least my calendar entertains me.

Smart Thoughts about Stupidity

All the world's a stage, and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

--Sean O'Casey, Irish playwright
servermonkey: (WWMD?)
Dumb Ways to Die

In Virginia in 2003, a man was bit by a dog. He went after the mutt with a rifle, determined to beat the dog to death with the butt of the gun. You can see this one coming, can't you? While the man was thumping the dog, the rifle went off and the man shot himself to death. The dog recovered nicely.
servermonkey: (Marvin)
Self-Inflicted Stupidity

What does a parent with a big ego do when his kid's shelf piles up with soccer trophies, Little League trophies, and swim trophies? According to a woman who runs a California trophy-making business, the proud dad (proud of himself anyway) orders her to make up some old-looking trophies with his name on them so he can regain household bragging rights.
servermonkey: (Default)
It's been a while. . .

Today's entry:
Dumb Ways to Die

In 1989, not one but two people got so angry at malfunctioning vending machines that they grabbed the offending machines and shook them to get out their purchases. The machines toppled over and killed them--two rare cases of death by vending machine.

Yesterday's entry:
The Business of Stupidity and Vice Versa

When McDonald's invaded Russia, the American bosses insisted that the Russian counter help give customers the standard Mickey D smile. Russian customers were insulted because in Russia smiling at strangers means you're making fun of them. How did Mickey D Russia solve the problem? They hired official Smile Explainers to shout into bullhorns at customers in line. "When you reach the counter, you will be smiled at. This does not mean we are making fun of you." And that's how Russia became the friendly country it is today.
servermonkey: (THB Grin)
Because no one's requested it, I'm just posting one and not even trying to catch up on the other ones.

Stupid Signs from Around the Globe

At a dry cleaners in Rome: LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
servermonkey: (Default)
Self-Inflicted Stupidity

James Gordon Bennett, a fussy editor at the New York Herald, had some strange newspaper rules. For example, he insisted that all his reporters use the word "night" instead of "evening" because "night is a more exact term." Bennett was shown the error of his ways when a reporter filed a story about a party with a description of a society woman who "looked ravishing in a pink silk night gown."
servermonkey: (Worried Dino)
Today's entry

Dumbing Down the Arts

A frustrated writer came up with novel scheme to test the intelligence of book publishers. He retyped into manuscript form The Painted Bird, Jerzy Kosinski's award-winning novel, and submitted it, under his own name, to a dozen big publishers. They all rejected the manuscript as not being worthy of publication, including the house that had actually published Kosinski's book.

From Tuesday

Everything You Always Wanted to Know but Were Too Smart to Ask

Why do the idiots always rise to the top?

They're handpicked by the top brass, who don't want someone smart coming in and making them look bad by comparison.

From Monday

International Idiocy

The world's first parking tickets were given out in Nineveh (now Iraq) over 2,000 years ago to people who parked their chariots on the king's road. The fine? Death by impalement.

From Sunday

Dumb Moments in the Lives of Famous People

Not all presidents need scientific advisers. Ronald Reagan, for example, found it more efficient to invent his own science. Here's Reagan on the campaign trail dismissing the dangers of atomic energy: "All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk." That would have been one amazing desk, big enough to cover up the 25 tons of nuclear wasted produced each year by an atomic power plant.

From Saturday

People with Unique Vision

Lady Lewson, a wealthy eighteenth-century English woman, refused to bathe, ever, thinking immersion led to illness. Instead, to preserve herself she coated her body daily with hog's lard. She lived ninety years that way.
servermonkey: (Default)
Dumb Plays in the Face of Fate

A Bible printed in London in 1631 included an embarrassing typo. Instead of "Thou shalt not. . ." it read, "Thou shalt commit adultery." There's one commandment that could be followed by people who couldn't follow the other nine.
servermonkey: (Default)
Popped Culture

Actress Tallulah Bankhead didn't think much of the movie based on Tennessee Williams's play Orpheus Descending. "Tenny, darling," she told him, "how awful for you. They've absolutely ruined your perfectly dreadful play."
servermonkey: (Rorschach)
New boss starts today--it's been a while since we've had a boss. . .

Well DUH entries from the weekend follow below. Also, while I really like Harry Nilsson's version of Everybody's Talkin', The Beautiful South's treatment of it has to be my favorite treatment of it. It was a sad thing to have missed them performing it on Trio (when Trio was still on the air, and before we had TiVo).

Today's entry:
They Had to Go to School for This?

In 1993, a Yale divinity student and ten translators converted the Bible into Klingon. (Memo to hard-working college students: There are no Klingons outside of the TV show Star Trek)

From Sunday:
Dumb Plays in the Face of Fate

In 1991, the Sony Corporation decided to give a lifetime achievement award to ragtime piano player Eubie Blake. The company invited the musician to the ceremony, with the exec in charge of the affair predicting it would be "an uplifting experience." It would have been amazingly uplifting since Blake had been dead for eight years by then.

From Saturday:
Dumb Ways to Die

In 1901, Maud Willard threw herself over the Niagara Falls in a barrel, but the fall didn't kill her as it has other daredevils. What got Maud? She forced her dog into the barrel with her. The dog pressed its nose up against th barrel's single air vent, and Maud suffocated.

From Friday:
All Is Stupid in Love and War

In 1996, a Pennsylvania man was arrested for harassment because every time he saw his ex-wife he oinked at her.
servermonkey: (Marvin)
Stupid Predictions

"(The automobile) will never, of course, come into as common use as the bicycle."
--The Literary Digest in 1899
servermonkey: (R.E.M.)
People with Unique Vision

Like many elected officials, Vice President Calvin Coolidge was obliged to see a long list of petitioners daily. Still, Coolidge managed to get through his busy schedule hours before other members of the government. Coolidge explained his trick to other overworked officials: "The difference is, you talk back."
servermonkey: (Worried Dino)
Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

In the late 1800s when proper English women went for a dip in the ocean, they first climbed into elaborate bathing chambers, where they could change their clothes in seclusion. The chambers were then rolled across the sand and into the water. The women descended a ramp into the ocean, still encased in the chamber. Women attendants, called "dippers," were hired to shoo off any men who tried to peek.
servermonkey: (THB Grin)
Dumbing Down the Arts

When the English poet Alexander Pope read his translation of The Iliad, Charles Montagu, the Earl of Halifax, objected to several passages and strongly suggested that Pope rewrite them. The poet negotiated a more reasonable course between the demands of poetry and those of the aristocracy: He returned to Lord Halifax a few months later, thanked him for his perceptive suggestions, and read him the corrected lines. The earl heartily approved the changes. What the earl didn't know was that Pope had made no changes.
servermonkey: (THB Grin)
Popped Culture

The Hyperbole Award goes to TV star Loni Anderson who wrote in her autobiography, My Life in High Heels, that having sex was like "experiencing a nuclear explosion in a very small space."
servermonkey: (Worried Dino)
It's been a while, so here we go.

Today's entry:

What were they thinking?

In the nineteenth century, preachers cautioned that ketchup and mustard led people to uncontrollable lust.

(to which my first thought was: Could you pass the Grey Poupon? :) )

From Wednesday, June 1:

Smart Thoughts about Stupidity

"Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world," psychologist R.D. Laing said. But then as Hollywood mogul Samuel Goldwyn said, "Anybody who goes to see a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined."

From Tuesday, May 31:

Dumb Plays in the Face of Fate

The small town of Gaston, South Carolina, finally gave in and set up its first stoplight in 1985. Two hours later, a car ran the town's only red light, causing a four-car pile up.
servermonkey: (Worried Dino)
Dumb Product Warning Labels

On a fireplace log: "Caution, risk of fire."
servermonkey: (Worried Dino)
Smart Thoughts about Stupidity

We learn from history that we do not learn from history.
--George Hegel, philosopher
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